Month: February 2022

CSI: Immortality

The TV movie that ended it! I see we’re already at sensitive depictions of other cultures.

I’m enjoying that Grissom’s reaction to leaving a desert city was to go live on the ocean and try to never step foot on scrub again. I wonder if he has nightmares about poker chips drowning him.

36 minutes in: Obscure South American drug flower for *mind control*.

40 minutes in: They set fire to Brass. Hasn’t this man been through enough.

End of Part 1: I don’t like the Lady Heather/Grissom things because the sexual politics of CSI confuse and scare me. Lady Heather is fine. Long pauses and cryptic phrases do not intellectual dialogue make. Makes a man whisper “oh please no”

Part 2:

Please leave Lady Heather alone, Sara. She’s going through a lot being stuck in CSI Las Vegas.

Stolen from IMDB:

Catherine Willows: Listen, I need a favor. The new girl, she’s having a bit of a rough one. She thinks she let you down. I was hoping you might be able to help her process the suitcase, give her a little of that Grissom TLC? She could really use it

Gil Grissom: I’d rather not. I’m quite content here. Where did that girl come from, anyway?

Catherine Willows: My vagina! You don’t recognize her? Grissom, that’s Lindsey, my daughter

 

Grissom teaching Lindsey rhymes and talking to bees has made Part 2 much more fun.

I enjoyed the painting of the bees.

27 minutes in: Oh no. It got dopey again. Catherine just screamed an ‘inspirational speech’ while I stared into the middle distance.

30 minutes in: oh no. Psychology. CSI-style.

34 minutes in: Jules deserved better.

38 minutes in: Long silences and cryptic statements taught Gil how to love, somehow.

41 minutes in: Seriously? This is Miss Piggy and Kermit all over again. Learn to love yourself, Mantis Queen. Make him serve you in the desert.

CSI: The End Game

This is it, this is (most of) the end of my massive bingewatch (to my future self asking why I didn’t talk about the other episodes: I was very tired)

“Yes, I’m an insane serial killer and I’m getting tattoos to look like my dead twin who was my partner in serial killing but that doesn’t mean I can’t ALSO have an orgy with the tattoo artists while I’m at it. I’m a fun guy.”

This episode also features what seems to be the writers going through a forensics gadget catalog. Blood timing! Plant talking!  Running license plates! CPR! This is wild.

Zach Morris really must be using his time control powers to pull off these murders.

 

oh my god there was a picture of warrick in this episode. the lost csi. i miss him.

uh I guess jules is finito

CSI: Long Road Home

I think the writers for this season had a few daddy issues going on.

I’m very tired. Gene Simmons was in this episode.

EDIT the next day: A lot of episodes have been using the same motifs. The father trying to avenge the daughter. The father buying the prostitute daughter’s time. It’s like they have a template they kept forgetting to switch details on. Sort of like when I’m working on something it’s like ‘aw shit, I just made five water mages in a row’. But with prostitution and revenge killing.

CSI: Killer Moves

It’s a serial killer episode!

Oh god no.

It’s a chess-themed serial killer episode. For the Dante’s Inferno Killer, my friend joked about the Las Vegas Cirque de Soleil stealing it from a drunken Brass (well, giving him a check every month he can’t figure out) to make it their next show.

So like, Chess: The Musical but with serial killing, I guess.

In case you’re curious, nothing is more crime show than telling you that incredibly non-intense thing is Super Intense. In this case, chess. And ‘You must figure out the clues yourself! Believe in yourself, Greg!’

CSIs watching this on stage: “This seems familiar.”